Thursday, December 9, 2010

Focus On This.

Hi Everyone,
things seem to be a little out of focus for me lately,
the above was done with some photo editing.
I quite liked the end result,
and I guess that is what matters.
It looks so very much unlike the original,
as I guess when some of us make it to our goal weights,
will we recognize ourselves.
I have never been able to visualize myself thin,
I can visualize myself healthy, but not thin.
Is that strange.
When I think of the end result.
I can feel me lighter,
more confident,
more energy, breathe with ease,
stay awake for longer hours,
less swelling, better circulation.
you see I have been all these things,
and that is what I want to feel again,
that is what I know.
I have never been thin,
and I really have no desire to be thin.
In better shape yes, but not thin
Do you think that is odd.
Maybe when you have come so close to dying,
it is about your health.
My skinny picture of me was 180
and I felt wonderful.
I felt wonderful at 268 when I married my second husband,
I was working full time, very active, always on the go,
but getting sick, gaining 50 pounds,
I know I hit bottom as I could no longer physically do.
With the Narcolepsy/ SevereCataplexy
Acid Reflux, imbiculus hernia,
sleep apnea, 
I admit that on some days I am scared,
and I want to live and that is why I keep trying every day
But I honestly don't care if I ever fit in a size 10 pair of pants.
At my last physical, no high blood pressure, everything was in alignment with where the numbers 
should be, no diabetes, etc.
and I thought to mysefl
are you kidding me.
For I know that my body with its inactivity, and loss of muscle strength,
is telling me all the warning signs.
And I am going to achieve my goal
to be fit, eat healthy and live a better lifestyle.
I have to admit with the Narcolepsy/Cataplexy
some days are very hard to stay awake,
I don't have control over that,
but I do have control over what I put in my mouth.
Heres to making better choices so we can all live longer.
Heres to feeling good.
Heres to keeping focused.
Have a great day,


  1. Wonderful words.... we can and DO
    have control of what our own hand
    puts into our own mouth!
    Pretty pic, too....


    I understand. God help me, I understand.

    Love you girl "hey"
    with peace and hope for us all

  3. Keep visualizing what you want, Cinner.

  4. One day at a time Cinner-- I'm cheering you on.
    xo jj

  5. You are doing so well Cinner!! Just take each moment as it comes. Each meal at a time....!!! I am right there with you.

  6. Gorgeous photo!

    Health is everything, but we don't appreciate it, often until it is under threat (or gone).

    You may be surprised that your physical numbers were so good. But, I think bodies can take a lot, and compensate to a point, before they really fail.

    God designed a pretty amazing system. And it regulates itself fairly well, despite what we throw at it, but it can't compensate forever, so I'm glad you took control and are making healthy changes.

    You have excellent insight and observations, Cinner.

    Keep up the good work. Remember, consistency is more important than perfection! (Who is perfect, after all?) I think it is pretty wonderful that you are only about 20 lbs from your wedding weight! I have about 30 lbs to lose before getting to mine.

    Your struggles aren't easy, but your journey is inspirational. You will get there! I have confidence in you.

  7. i am sending a whole lot of good vibes for you to feel like a million dollar baby regardless of anything, i mean, like nothing is there ;-)
    unfortunately there are things always there but what they do actually they show how strong we can be and i know you are some great lady
    so don't give keep going and if you need to take a nap, do it, don't ever overthink it
    enjoy, life is too short enjoy

  8. Cinner, your courage is great. You are inspiration to many. It's great that you are feeling better and you have got all the 'good numbers' as you say ... you see, you are already achieving! That is so fantastic!! Many of us tend to think it's about looking like 'this or that' mostly 'thin' but by the end it is about how healthy and happy inside we are. How much peace and love we have inside of us. There are many people our there who are thin yet they are not happy. And maybe not even healthy. Keep on the good job :-) hugs!!

  9. Wishing you strength every second of the day.


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