I Am Back this time to stay!

Hi Everyone, I am back feeling better than I have in a long time. I have missed my Weight Loss Blog. I have recently found what really works for me. I am so excited about the days ahead of me. I have realized that I am an Emotional Eater. It is an ongoing battle not to revert to old ways. I am in control of what I put into my mouth, and about making healthy choices for me. One of the reasons I had stopped this blog was because I was feeling like a failure. Doing good one week and not the next, I also originally thought that blogging would keep me on track, after all I had to be accountable to everyone else, right....What I realize now is that the only person I have to be accountable to is me. My path to admit that I am an Emotional Eater has taken me 28 years. I can finally do that without flinching. I can also agree with the statement that it is not what I am eating, but that it is about what is eating me. A year ago I would have said, What hogwash that is, I just like food...and that was my attitude. Clearly I know now that I was not ready then  for the work that is in store for me now. I hope you come along with me on my journey,  take care until next time, Cinner

Moving Da Momma!

Hi I hope everyone had a joyous long weekend.

The weather here was beautiful,

worked in the yard, did some steak on the barbie.

Saturday was kind of a bust,

got a flat tire and what a fiasco

trying to find a place to fix it.

not to be done, everyone was so busy

and booked up maybe with getting vehicles ready

for what will be the white stuff.

I refuse to say it yet.

So I will be with my family this week.,

moving my Mom to the big city.

I am going down with my sister and her hubby and then

riding back with my Mom. I don't like her

driving such a long way by herself.

That is the one thing I really miss is being able to drive,

I guess sitting as a passenger has its benefits too,

so I won't be around much unless I can

sneak on my sisters computer.

I will be back as soon as I can.

Remember to enter my giveaway on the other blog

Things About Who, What, When, Where and Why

See Post August 31 for the details.

.........

good things to note. I have a pair of jeans

that are almost too big, I may need to get a belt.

OMGoodness,

a couple pair of shoes are too big to wear,

that is a first.

Hope you are all doing well and

remember if you fall, pick yourself back up again.

Have A wonderful week.

Cinner

Would you change.

Sometimes we are just going to do some odd things,

be a little different, dress a little out of your zone.

This day I was filling a little blue, so I decided 

if your not happy change your day.

This was the outfit I came up with,

and I have to tell you I felt all that and a bag of chips

(oops I mean Salad)

Then when I looked at the picture

I could not help but laugh and think

What the heck was I thinking.

Sometimes we need to go to new places within ourselves.

THE NEW ME by cinner featuring POLYVORE.COM
If you have not heard of polyvore.com you will love what you can do and create.
This is just an idea of how I would like to dress.


How would you choose to dress, if you had nothing holding you back?
Wishing you all the best, the sky is the limit.


Take care, Cinner

I Got to find my Healthy!

Today some beautiful roses to share

as a way of Saying Thank you for all your kindness and Best Wishes for the New Year.

..............

One thing I want to talk about is warning signs.

We may run into them head on, or they may slowly creep up on us.

make you pause in your tracks,

We can face them or hide from them,

but they are there no matter whether we choose to face them or not..

...................

About eight years ago my Dad had a five artery bypass.

He pulled through it, and then started walking,

He did it almost every day, I remember thinking how wonderful he was doing.

We all did, and then one day he was in a car accident(not his fault)

He had broken ribs etc....after Dad healed he never kept up with his 

walking, of course he was busy on the farm, telling us all

he felt great, maybe a little tired,etc.

I often wonder what would have happened if he had kept walking.

It will be two years ago in May that Dad has passed away.

He believed he was Healthy.

he just was not healthy enough.

The other day I read a post on Anns blog

about her friend and it really made me think.

.............

I have not been in control of my weight loss

and just because I have lost a few pound

does not make me healthy.

I am still morbidly obese.

and even though all my numbers come back good.

It just is not good enough.

...............

So I am in control of what I eat,

how often I eat, where I eat.

I am in control of making better choices,

I am in control of seeing to it that I drink enough water,

I am in control of taking my medications on time,

I am in control of walking on my treadmill.

I am in control enough to know it should be a perscription

that I have to follow, and use  as diligently as I take my medications.

I refocus on my goals. I choose to live a better life,

I control that for right now this is the most important

thing that I can do for myself, so I can get around easier,

breathe better, better circulation, more energy, more stamina,

more choices.

So A New Year, A New Day,

and I try again, again,

This is my Year to Get It Right

...........

We can do this together,

I am getting my journal out and recording everything,

food, water, exercise, mood, why I eat, etc.

I hope you come along for the ride,

oh and the treadmill

has been named by Patrick.

Mr. Giddy Up,

because Lord knows,

I just have to Giddy Up and Go.

So Thank you Patrick for your help,

I was pulling a blank on this one.

.................

So if we can all just do one thing today to help ourselves,

is to start the new year by moving..

I hope you Have Your Very Best Day!

Brutally Honest.

Hi every one, Today if you like please have a visit over at my other blog. I think it is something I should have put over here as well, as I wanted all my readers to know where I stand in regards to my health.
the link is Things about Who, what, when, where and why

I hope this finds you all in good health. I never thought I would be in such a serious position, so there are all the cards laid upon the table... I may not be around as much in the next while. I need to get this on track. Thank you for all of your support.,  take care and be well and happy my friends.

Oh so Getting Real.

 

All my life I have been a Plus Size Gal.

In school, I always had lots of  friends,

I was confidant, played sports,

dated a guy on the Football team.

I graduated at 180 pounds,

I wore a gown like the color above.

I was always out on the weekends,

I was happy, had a great sense of humor.

Voted most likely to laugh the most in life.

......................

And inside I was alone.

I always heard lose weight or you will never get a job,

too bad you were not skinny like so and so,

why could I not be like my older sister,

Jeez louise where did they come up with this shit.

I believe that my  mother attempted to try and help me to lose weightt,

Oh yes every desert was made from low cal, so it would not hurt ya..

She would sit me down in the morning and talk to me about dieting,

All us kids would bet that there would be baking galore when we got home.

I am not blaming my mother, but she did pour out her love for all of us by cooking.

................................

So off I went into the world,

alone to a new city,

and I was determined to show that I did not need to be skinny to become a sucess.

My first job interview was at a clothing store,

and I was told we had to wear the sizes they sold which was to a size 12.

I  was a size 16....

As I left that interview I could hear my mother say, 

If you would have taken better care of yourself you would of had the job.

.................

To make a long story short,

that is the only job that I never got,

Every job I have worked my way up into Management

and never heard that I was not good enough again!

............

When I would go home to visit,

if I had lost any weight I would have a great visit,

and if not I would not..

..............

Over the years I have learned

that I am perfect how I am.

And that I love me,

That there might be some things I would like to change,

But most of us have that.

Change brings growth and learning.

I have discovered how strong I am,

Both my husbands have thought of me

as a very sexy woman who is loving and caring.

When I divorced my first husband,

we held hands and said we were two people

from two different backgrounds,

and that I was better off to not be on the path he was on.

I have been remarried now for 11 years

to my second husband.

He is very active, plays sports,

we even coached a ball team together

about 8 years ago.

we had lots of fun.

and my weight is not an issue,

 

.............

However at this time of my life,

my health is an issue.

This is why I now am trying so hard to lose some weight,

not because of what others possibly could think,

but because I want to be more active,

and walk down the street without losing my breath,

My mother believes I am sick because I am overweight.

The two have nothing in common,

weight loss would help me move around more,

but it will not cure my illness,

as there is no cure.

..............

Since my Dad died, my mother and I have become very close,

She is old school and has her own views, I let her know mine.

I will say Mom, I don't even want to go there with you....

sometimes she will start to say something,....and then say, oh right you don't want to go there.

...............

Bottom line is I don't want to be my father,

and find myself dying because I did not take care of myself.

I am responsible for me.

I worked and was active all the way up to 250,

then I got sick and everything is so difficult,

and over the last seven years I got up to 303.

now I weigh 273. bit because I have been so idle,

I would say right now my body is so deconditioned

that the shape I am in at 46

scares the heck out of me.

...........

My belief system is to try and live Every Day as if it were my Best Day.

and I do live the best I know how,

but right now at this weight there is never a day that I  don't fear,

That just maybe this could be my last.

This is not a pity party,

this is getting to the reality of my situation.

I am on a list for Gastric Bypass Surgery,

I am not even sure that is an option .

because of my weight and whether I would be strong enough for it.

.................

So, I am putting on my big girl panties and getting really serious.

I thank all of you for all your support,

some of you inspire me everyday,

your success stories help to keep me going,

your stories remind me that I am not alone.

I Thank You.

Too Much Sleep

No, I did not bake this cake, although it looks tasty. I will not be eating any more cake!

I have decided this after watching Dr. Oz on Oprah!

I like him, I think he says enough that you realize just maybe I am headed for trouble!

One of the surprises was when he said that people on an average consume 150 lbs. of sugar every year.

He had bags of sugar sitting there, it was an incredible amount of sugar..

Another thing he said was if you drink a pop a day you r chances of getting diabetes increases by 83  per cent.

Boy I am just a bundle of great news today aren't I!

I will tell you the show scared the heck out of me.

Our family is genetically disposed to getting it.

,,,,,,,,,

So this is the thing, in the last month I have been so tired,

due to the fact that I have a variant of Narcolepsy,

Right now because of the excessive Day Time Sleepiness

I have been having a hard time with my exercising!

I sleep eighteen hours a day right now,

and do not ever feel rested.

I am not depressed,

this is all part of the illness!

...........

So I said to my sister that I now have fifty followers and how I am so excited about that!

that this year I have gained 50 followers and I don't believe I have lost a pound.

I know the only way I can get this going is to exercise.

I really am in a horrible situation,

knowing I have too, but most days I can't!

As I really worry about what is in store for me down the road.!

So this is getting honest with myself.

I have been doing very well with the eating,

but because I am back to sleeping so much again.

I had two days in January that I had some energy.

I know if I lost weight I would have more energy.

Imagine sleeping most of your life away.

I am not complaining or making excuses,

I am just getting real.

I hope I don't lose any of my followers,

I have been talking the talk, but I have not been walking the walk.

I hate being sick, and I don't want to get worse.

Anyway I can't beat myself up with this.

Just get on track tomorrow,

and try not to sleep my day away!

Take Care, I hope you have been doing better than I have lately.

Let's try to have our very Best Day!

Get Back Up!

 

Today I am grateful for the soft hues in my house,

for the warmth in my heart, for the subsiding grief,

for always the chance to get back on track and remember

my reason for wanting to be healthier, and live longer.

I am grateful that today I can refocus

and start afresh again, I am grateful that I can see the opportunity of every day,

To keep trying to succeed.

I am grateful that I don't quit trying!

I am not afraid,

in fact

I am grateful for my life.

..........

Have a wonderful weekend.

Preparing My New Year Resolutions!

Sometimes I think Where Do I start With This List, and how many Pages should it Be!

I like who I am, I just want to feel healthier and since this blog is about my Weight Issues

well I am going to be Serious. I could tell you that I have made lists every year since I can remember.

And I do achieve my lists, however for a certain period of time.

I have the tendancy to stray after about 3 weeks.

So the good thing is I know this, and they say it takes 3 weeks to change a habit.

So I must sabatoge myself just when  I am about to beat it.

Sounds a little crazy to me, but I am being honest....

so I am reminding myself why I need this so much.

My List Begins!

...........

This past year my Dad died of heart disease, I do not want to go through what I saw him go through at the end of his life, Also Diabetes seems to run rampant in our family on both sides of the family. so there is another negative against me. I have sleep apnea. I have been diagnosed with Severe Cataplexy. The medications make me feel very sluggish, exhausted and have become limited as to my physical activities.

So having said all this, 

  This Is My List

Keep a Journal of the food I am Eating.

Drink at least 8 glasses of water

Stick to a Schedule Because of My Cataplexy

Do Tai Chi every Morning

Walk my Dogs every day increasing distance weekly, walk each dog separately once a day!

..............

My Goal
To have more Energy,

To ride my New Bicycle by Spring

To Be more Flexible!

.............

If  I can accomplish the above

The weight will fall off!

So that is my plan!

..........

I would love to hear your New Years Resolutions,

And Remember Success is Possible because of Past Failures!

Just like we would not appreciate Spring if we did not have the Winter!

Confronting your Food.!

You know I consider myself to be a bright woman,

I am dealing with a full deck and I don't think my toolbox is short a hammer or anything,

The lights are on and somebody is home. Hi by the way!

Today my assignment is to confront my food demons.

so I sit here and think OMG, but because I am openminded I will see if I get anything out of this or not!

First thing to note is that sometimes my humor can be quite dry, with just a little bit of sarcasm thrown in!

Hello Bread of any kind....you have been so easy to grab, and usually readily handy, but I have to say you have added many inches to my frame. I don't even know if I like you but for some reason when your here you redistribute yourself on my whole body, and I resent that the first place i notice is on my neck. Have you no pride. I can take alot of things but not my once neck! Come on you really have to go and stay out!

Just so anyone knows I am feeling kind of silly but  I did give it to the bread.

Lets see, next item on my list would be Ice Cappucinos from Tim Hortons. If I could go back in time to when I never knew you existed, my life would be better for not knowing you. and saying that the door will be locked upon any arrival. all begging for one will cease to stop. Besides there are so many others that adore you, that you will not be lonely. Eventually you will be used to the idea that I no longer frequent your establishment.

As to all you fast food places out there I have to stay away as well because even if you are carrying healthier choices, it is just a little too tempting for moi.

So it has really been nice knowing you but you must go back to whence you came.

Okay those are my first main three, do I feel a little silly, sure I am talking to the food, so maybe one hammer short of a toolbox, but what it makes me feel is that I am in charge. I have things I can control! I am the boss and not the food.

Right now I feel like I am Rocky and just made it to the top of the stairs. I definately have my walking shoes on for tomorrow and am ready to get on this bandwagon like I know I can.

You should try this exercise or just tell me I am a fruit loop!

But you know what tonight I am a happy one.

This is my world, my life, and from now on I am going to have

My Very Best of Days! 

...............

I  hope you do too!

Thankyou for all your kind comments!

No Looking Back!

Good Morning

This photo was taken the last time I went to Saskatchewan to have a visit at the farm.

I loved it because of the reflection in the mirror, as well as the bright colors.

Looking back at eating habits there was we always had a breakfast.

We all ate together at mealtimes

And we ate what was on our plates

Very seldom were there leftovers.

There was always a huge garden

We were very active working on the farm

And I was in almost every sport I had time for.

Usually there were always deserts.

My weight was not really an issue of more than twenty pounds.

Until I moved to the city

where I now did not eat at every meal,

Alot of instant precooked meals,

junkfood, and here is the kicker,

very little exercise.

When I go home to visit,

there is, has been and always will be

enough food to feed an army!

So pretty much it has been

Come to mama!

I am not kidding you!

It could be like a no holds barred eatfest,

My mother loves to cook,

It is very hard to say no!

..........

So that is sorta the rundown, I have been on every diet known to mankind, and will never go on another one, as you set yourself up for failure. But I am on a lifestyle change to get healthier. At my first meeting last week , she suggested that I start to write down everything I eat in a day and when. What I have found is it really keeps me on track with okay you have had that piece of bread, get your fruit and protein. If I am not tracking it, oh yeah I had one then, oh right I ate that then. Oh and then there were those 4 cookies. on and on. So on Friday I have a 2 and a half hour class about the Weight Loss program, I am as open to as much knowledge that they can teach me. The other thing I have noticed is that when I would diet I really could lose weight quickly, but I tell you the aging process has kicked the heck out of that. I had heard how much harder it is after 40, and darlins that is the truth!

I am 46 now and I am excited when I turn 50

Because I want to be the healthiest that I can possibly Be.

And I am going to go skydiving and out dancing!

I am going to make this dream come true.

Together we can reach our goals, Being Consistant and Patient

We can be and do Anything.

I hope you have a bright and fabulous day, don't look back on past failures,

Lets continue our new exciting adventures!

Be Healthy!

Good News or Bad News?

So today was the first day at taking the next step in my life to get healthy!

First of all it is very important that people know the difference between north and south.

Especially when they are giving the directions...so instead of going to the  weight loss community services.

I just about ended up in a facility for extended care patients.

Thank Gosh my husband was there to get me where I needed to go.

So today was pretty much what I thought it would be

I have to commit to going for two years and your weight is monitored, etc.

Now it is not the weight loss clinic, but it is a steady seeing how weight affects you as you age!

There was about twelve pages of questionaires that I had to answer, and I have decided this.

I think there is the assumption that if you are overweight that there is no evidence of self esteem.

No I don't hide in my house, no I am not scared to meet people, and on and on it went.

So I have come out of it with this thought!

I had always worked until I got sick, I was highly social as well!

I did not get sick because I was overweight, but because I have been so stagnate,

I have gained weight! The hidden reason is simple!

Having my illness has limited me so that I am more prone to gaining weight and because of that I want a healthier life!

No I am not depressed, no I don't hate myself!. I look in the mirror and know that I am an intelligent woman who likes food and carries around the extra weight of a small person! I don't hate her or me! In fact I do like myself. Being diagnosed with an illness makes you appreciate all that life has to offer and for that reason alone I want to be healthier!

I suppose they have to ask all these questions,  it makes me concerned for all the people that feel that are not socially acceptable,,,sure I know that feeling, but those opinions are usually coming from a person that I would not want or have in my world because of their belief system!

I have had children tell me I am fat. And I have responded why yes I am, God makes people in all shapes and sizes, isn't it wonderful. And with that I usually get a hug and off they go to p.lay.

I will not be one of these people that says, yes I am isn't it awful!

What is awful is if I lost a leg to diabetes, or if I had a heart attack, or that I would have an early death.

.............

So on a much lighter note I have lost an inch and a half, tis true,

In my height! uh huh in my height, so at age 46 I am getting shorter.

I believe by the time I am sixty I will be under 5 feet high!

The lovely lady I spoke to today asked me if I was on AISH(which is the disability term up here in Canada)

Now keep in mind she had a strong accent and she asks this question, and I reply yes I am 46....me thinking she has asked my age....My husband gave me the strangest look and I thought whats up with him. She then asked again and I said I am 46 and of course I raised my voice as obviously she was hard of hearing!My husband said Cindy she wants to know if your on AISH! Well lthis made me laugh and laugh and my head kept dropping because now I was having my Cataplexy spells and my husband was explaining what was happening. and the more he talked the more I seemed to laugh. Finally everything was fine and now I had to get my glasses on to finish filling out the paper, as I was getting my glasses I kept thinking she was the one with the hearing problem.  Anyway I made it home safe and sound, she explained how the whole thing would work, I can apparently book to take the workshops, there is no wait list for that so I will be able to get at this right away. I am game to figure out any problems or anything that will help me!

So this I know for sure, I am not on AISH, but I am 46, I am not five feet three, I am five feet 1 and a half and I am excited about this new process, the wait list to see a specialist is still a year, they asked how I felt about that. I said I knew it and was neutral, that I know about all the cutbacks and that they can only do what they can do!

So I am off to read a book, or draw, and remind myself I can only do what I can do!

Back To Reality!

Hello, I am glad to be back home! One of the reasons is my mother loves to feed her children. I did quite good, but know I am back for many more better days ahead of me. I had my weigh in and have lost another 5 lbs as of the first of October. I may have gained at my moms but weighin is not until November first. I was 298 and now I am 278 which is an average of 10 lbs per month. So now I want to get really focussed again so I can keep at this long battle ahead of me. I just wanted to quickly touch base with you this am, I hope you are all well  and that things are going great for you on your journey. I will be by to see you all soon. C

What's A little Cake

Well I have to be honest, I have not done well for two days, why well lets blame my houseguests, no I am kidding, why is it so easily to fall into our old ways, cake, ice cream, etc, when in reality I had a fridge full of fruits and vegetables! so they left and well once again I am back on track. I don't want this to be a blog about my failures...so I am letting it go and just keep going. Summer is over, no more cake! That's all I have for today, I am played out from my visit. The above cake is actually made out of towels, toilet paper and ribbons! Won't be too tasty so it should be safe today. Take care, keeep your chin up and I will keep all four of mine up as well. lol. Have a great day.

Dancing to Bob Marley

Today I decided the word of the day is Motion. I have to force myself to do some walking or some form of exercise today other than my normal moving around. I must have a very low metabalism. Thats my goal for the day, Move, maybe later I will put on Bob Marley and dance, and I will dance like it is my last one...I guess there could be some shakin going on at my house, reminds me of a little fellow whom was with his Mom in a clothing store I worked at. The little boy was watching me, everywhere I went, I could feel him watching, finally he said, "You shake just like Elmo", I think my heart skipped a beat. Out of the mouth of a child. Luckily Elmo was so darn cute, or I could have been highly offended! Kidding it would take way more than that...So I leave you with the vision of Elmo dancing to Bob Marley later today in my living room...Maybe the Muppetts will show up too, Have a great day!